Wild Rocket

Painful progress on my tree picture. The colourful textures are so far comprised of splats (gold ink) and rubs (paint on Clingfilm). There's also some oil pastel (lower part of the picture). I'm thinking of tracing the whole thing again next, to find some solidity in the form, then maybe trying some kind of printing over what I've already done. Not sure yet.

I bought a pot of seeds from a pound store a few weeks ago. I sewed them and now I have seedlings. Wild Rocket. Every day I turn them away from the light and by evening they've found it again. I love that I share this same craving for sunshine. Makes me feel both at one with vegetable life and also, eerily insubstantial. I'd like to draw them leaning towards the light, one seedling tumbling over another in an attempt to soak up the most sunshine, just like people at a sale or struggling to be first on the train. So what I'm growing here, I suppose, isn't a pot of salad at all but a rat race in miniature!


How will I have the heart to put them on my sandwich now!

One thing about getting older is that I'm starting to think of my life as a story with flashbacks that occur in the text (totally randomly and for no reason) which tease the main narrative with hints at some meaning and subtlety that the protagonist mostly fails to understand.

I've always been self-conscious but this super-sense of myself riding the great whirling belt of life (holding all these explosive memories in my brain) is a new development. One day I imagine there will be more flashback than forward motion and the theatre of memory will become intertwined with the arena of the imagination. Maybe that won't be so bad afterall.


A lovely rainbow I photographed yesterday running through a hailstorm with G on Dover's Hill. It was truly wonderful watching the advancing clouds and the light transformed into something glorious. It didn't matter that I got half soaked at the end of it. Didn't find my pot of gold though.

MARK MAKING AND ANCHORING WITH TONE

Once I got to the situation where I was actually happy with the way my picture was developing, I got scared. At first, time came to my rescue. There wasn't enough of it to work on my picture. Then when I had the time (or at least the slim crescent moon of an opportunity) the fear got worse. I began another picture, from a photograph that I'd taken last September in Scotland, of a beach I can't remember the name of now (I'll find out), a beautiful, windswept expanse of black volcanic rock and pinkish, almost white sand. I'll make a separate post about this picture later, needless to say the anxiety I had begun to feel about my North York Moors painting infected this new picture, because it very soon began to go wrong. Then, determined not to stumble twice, I pulled the Scotland picture into something of a decent state, and found the courage (literally) to work some more on my North York Moors picture.

I realise that often, my need to do something tempts me to rush on in my enthusiasm, and draw (or write) blindly, without really looking or thinking about what I should really be doing. The need to achieve something is so strong that I tend to get a bit headstrong when I should be more cautious or contemplative. This was in danger of happening with my picture (both of them). So I tried to look at it and think about those tonal values a bit more, and also to work at the picture bearing the whole thing in mind, as opposed to getting carried away with one little part of it. There was little 'parts' of my picture that I was quite pleased with, you see, the way you can get pleased with a line in a poem to the detriment of the rest of the poem. So I have to try to fight my vanity, even if this means letting go of that little patch of oil pastel that I really quite liked, but to think of the whole of the composition, how it works tonally (as that seems to be the key for this piece for me) and texturally too. Texture plays a big part in my memory of the moors, so I would like to convey this in some way with my picture, using layering and juxtaposing of the various media used (in this case oil pastel, coloured pencil (both in dissolved and dry state) and possibly later, Indian ink) to create a lively and co-ordinated image.